


People Who Are Picky About Food Are Also Picky About People, Too

by gunboots



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Families of Choice, M/M, Multi, Unconventional Families, gintama au, i blame the aokaga landfill, obscure au is obscure, sorry not sorry but mostly sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2398631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunboots/pseuds/gunboots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's not 'Midorin', it's Midorima." Midorima intones sternly, mid-rant about how Oha Asa's recent selections of lucky items were appropriately patriotic to the Jouishishi cause, "Daiki, if you are concerned about employment you could always come back to the Joui."</p><p>"I'm not joining a terrorist organization to pay for basic cable." Aomine snorts, balling up the hamburger wrapper in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>aka Four times Aomine was treated to food by friends and the one time he treated someone else/the dreaded gintama au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lucky Is A Man Who Gets Up And Goes To Work

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaeilash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeilash/gifts), [furiosity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/furiosity/gifts), [hopper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopper/gifts).



> This crack, pure crack. I'm pretty sure there are 5 people who will get this AU and I have gifted this fic to most of them (I'm sorry Kei/Eve, I don't know if you guys even have ao3s). Somehow listening to Ono Y singing 'Yoshiwara's Lament' ended up in Aomine as Gintoki and Kagami as Hinowa. Everything else kind of fell into place. This is basically just putting knb characters as gintama characters. Somehow Momoi and Sakurai ended up Kagura and Shinpachi and Himuro became Seita. I don't...I don't even know.
> 
> Yes, I made an actual boob planet. Yes, I'm sorry about all of this. 
> 
> All the titles are actually Gintama episode titles lol. I did some light editing, but any other errors are mine and mine alone.

[ _Midorima just wants all these damn aliens to get off his lawn, and by his lawn he means his country. No, Takao doesn’t count. Takao’s his pet, you see._ ]

Aomine actually had a job to do today, all he had to do was fix the roof for the inn down near the entrance of Kabuki-cho. Put a patch on the roof and he's got enough for Mai-chan's newest photobook and enough for groceries. 

It literally would have taken an hour.

Of course, of course Midorima just had to show up and drag him off somewhere to discuss (complain) about the state of affairs of youth today.

"You better be comping me for this Midorin." Aomine snorts, even as he signals to the waiter to bring another teriyaki burger. Let it not be said that Aomine Daiki was one to turn down free food. Even if Midorima's taste in restaurants was...weird as ever, how the hell did he even find a tanuki-themed butler cafe that only served burgers.

"It's not 'Midorin', it's Midorima." Midorima intones sternly, mid-rant about how Oha Asa's recent selections of lucky items were appropriately patriotic to the Jouishishi cause, "Daiki, if you are concerned about employment you could always come back to the Joui."

"I'm not joining a terrorist organization to pay for basic cable." Aomine snorts, balling up the hamburger wrapper in his hands. The giant...frog thing...next to Midorima is already on its second burger. It's obviously someone in a suit, but this entire time Midorima has been insisting it's an exotic Amanto from a faraway planet (which of course the irony of this all has been completely lost on him). "Where the hell did that thing come from again?"

"Don't be rude, Kerosuke has manners unlike you." Midorima says, nodding stoically to 'Kerosuke'. "If you must know, Kise gave it to me last time he was on earth before he went gallivanting off to whatever he does these days." Midorima acts like Kise's profession of a glorified space businessman offends him. To be fair, it probably does, most people do nowadays.

The giant frog holds up a sign with one flipper, not even bothering to turn away from where it's still eating: [ _I told you it's Takao, Shin-chan. It's even shorter than Kerosuke. Where did you even get that name from? How lame lol._ ] Aomine just raises a brow at the display, Midorima seems completely oblivious and nods along pleased.

"Kerosuke maybe an Amanto but he's loyal to the Joui, proof that what we are doing is just." Midorima continues on, unaware as the frog holds up another sign almost immediately. 

[ _Sure, let's go with that--not like I'm a spy for my race and we're trying to conquer earth or anything._ ] That Aomine actually pauses and opens his mouth to say something, but immediately the sign flips over. [ _JK lol, oh my god freeloader, it's just a joke._ ]

"Manners...right." Aomine is better off not getting involved, "Oi Midorin, more fries."

~

[ _Aomine and Kise may have survived a war, but that doesn’t mean Kise isn’t actually going to die before age 30. Aomine's convinced Kise's Yato assistant is more than likely going to be the culprit too. Not that he actually blames Kasamatsu._ ]

"Sorry, he's an idiot." Kise's underling says in greeting, completely sidestepping where Kise literally hit the deck after he tripped over his own shoes in excitement, "He's trying to prove a point." 

"Why is he even wearing heels?" Aomine begins but soon gets cut-off from where Kise recovers easily, rising up unaffected at the nose dive or the fact he's wearing dominatrix heels, complete with spikes. 

"You guys are so mean." Kise pouts, grasping onto Kasamatsu says, irate and clearly used to the routine, "we already made the deal with the Aerolians."

"Wait, you went to the Boob planet without ME?" Both Kise and Kasamatsu give Aomine skeptical looks but Kise is in heels and Kasamatsu never takes off his hat outside so they can judge all they want, "What good is being friends with you, if you go to the **BOOB PLANET WITHOUT ME**?"

"Aominecchi, it's not even called the 'Boob planet' you are the **ONLY** person who calls it that. Besides, the Aerolians probably wouldn't have liked you ogling them all that much." Kise says placating like he's five and Aomine is tempted to say deuces to free dinner courtesy of his old war buddy and stab him with his own heels. "It was a very important business deal where I got the Kihetai an exclusive contract with the leading lady in charge and you--"

"--You're the worst friend **EVER** , you owe me **BIG** time." Because there is travesty, and there is **TRAVESTY** and Aomine saved his **LIFE** in the Joui war and the least he could do was let Aomine go to the promised land, "Have you even **SEEN** how big their boobs ge--"

"Oh yeah, I did, they don't let you wear clothing from the waist up during business meetings--" It's the absolute worst thing to say and Aomine is already lunging for him, but Kise strategically hides behind Kasamatsu, and that's not even fair because Kasamatsu is a Yato and Aomine doesn't have a death wish.

"It was actually a very important deal and we have to at least maintain the _appearance_ of being professional." Kasamatsu adds, and for all his groaning and frequent use of violence against Kise, he is still Kise's trusted right-hand man. "Even if this idiot _LIED_ to them and told them we were married and now he's stuck wearing this damn wedding present from them."

"But we are! We practically are married!" Kise insists, attention already off of Aomine, for someone who tripped over them earlier, Kise is surprisingly adept at dodging in his new footwear, "I take care of you so well, don't I?" 

"You told them about our **NONEXISTENT** sex-life. Who'd want to even get married to you in the first place?" Kasamatsu rounds, narrowing his eyes and reading his leg to kick Kise away. "I'm not your damn dog-come back so I can kick you in the **DAMN** face." 

Kise has enough self-preservation to know not to hide behind Aomine, the other members of the crew on deck however seem to be free game.

"Get back over here!" Kasamatsu roars and Aomine is still pissed, but he's getting more hungry than anything and at this rate he's never getting lunch. There's a loud clang somewhere ahead, followed by Kise's shouted apologies and Aomine decides to give them a few more minutes to work out their issues, he'll just make sure to order the most expensive thing on the menu again and then more for takeout later.

Least Kise can do in reparations, after all.

~

[ _Seijuro Akashi maybe an mentally unstable terrorist bent on destroying all of Edo, but he’s still kind of a nag._ ]

Aomine's losing a lot of blood, and the feeling in his arms, but damned if he's going to lose face in front of Akashi. Even if this is all Akashi's fault. Akashi doesn't look bothered by the fact his childhood friend is bound and injured.

Aomine has no idea where he is, the room's interior is nice, nicer than Aomine's seen in a long time. Even with the bandage around his right eye and the tacky yukata, Akashi still looks like he belongs here more than Aomine does. For all of Akashi's acts of terrorism and general destruction, he's still a young lord from a good family. 

"If you'd just come along quietly there would have been no need for all this." Akashi sighs, dismissing Aomine's kidnappers behind him. Aomine doesn't relax at the motion, instead his lips thin. "I just wanted to invite you to breakfast Daiki, why did you have to make this so difficult?"

Daiki glances down at the breakfast laid out on the table before him, his stomach gurgles fitfully. He hasn't eaten much besides eggs and rice lately since bills were due, and he knows that somehow Akashi is completely aware of the fact.

"Sorry, I wasn't really feeling up to reminiscing about the good old days with a kidnapper." Aomine snorts, going for unaffected even with the ropes wound tight around his arms. He's been through worse, he's seen worse in the war. All he has to do is hold out until Akashi gets bored of whatever game he's playing and then wait for him to leave. "If this is about Midorin I don't know where he is, whatever you two are doing leave me out of it. Some of us are too old for this."

"If I wanted to see Shintarou, I would have arranged to do so." Akashi says dismissively, reaching for his chopsticks. "If you're not going to eat, I suppose I will have to start."

"Can't exactly eat with my arms tied up, can I?" 

"Nonsense Daiki, you're perfectly capable of eating without your hands." Akashi replies, taking a generous bite of some kind of weird Amanto dish that Daiki has no idea what it actually is, but smells amazing. "Sometimes I wonder if you forget that I have been with you since we were children after all." 

"Like I can forget." That was a lifetime ago, in the hectic world of before the war, when Aomine was an orphan, but then he wasn't but then he was all over again. Midorima, Akashi, Kise, and him, the four generals against the Amanto invasion and the sea of carnage in between. Aomine isn't sure if he's imaging the taste of blood in his mouth, or if Akashi's goons really hit him hard enough in the jaw to knock a few teeth loose. Probably the later, he's already mentally preparing himself for seeing the dentist back in Kabuki-cho.

Aomine waits another few minutes as Akashi continues to eat, debates on whether he will just go ahead since he's going to have to be even more strapped for cash, before settling on just appeasing Akashi's whims sooner rather than later.

Aomine has to angle himself, which is hard because blood loss, but then he smashes his face into one of the dishes to his right. He hears Akashi click his tongue in disapproval and just to be petty, he takes a big of a bite as he can manage.

It's bacon, and it's perfectly crisp and at this point he can't ignore hunger. He raises his head and swallows, keeps his expression as disinterested as he can. Akashi gives him an enigmatic smile.

"Isn't it good to eat as friends once in a while?" Akashi continues, piling some food onto Aomine's bowl in front of him. "You need more vegetables; you always were bad at managing your own diet, probably eating your weight in sugar again."

Aomine is released from breakfast thirty minutes later, and by released he is left for the Shinsengumi to find when they finally storm the room in search of Seijuro Akashi, wanted terrorist. He's still tied up, still bleeding, at least he's stomach's fuller than it's been in a while.

For the sake of his sanity and the fact it's Akashi he's dealing with, Aomine doesn't dwell on it.

~

[ _Aomine does not have a crush on the former ‘Sun of Yoshiwara’. Kagami’s got a kid, used to be the top earning prostitute, it really wouldn’t make his life easier to have a crush. Really. Shut up Tetsu._ ]

Things are turning up for the better in Yoshiwara, for the first time in a long time. The city isn't perfect, the specter of the King of Night hasn't truly left some areas and there are all new problems settling around, but the people in Yoshiwara are happy.

"Things aren't perfect, but they'll get there." Kuroko announces, voice soft but proud, as he sits down next to Aomine. The snackbar he and Kagami are running is small, but it's honest work, and it's the perfect headquarters for Kuroko and the Hyakka. 

Aomine nods along, grabbing another stick of dango and eating it with gusto. Can't waste free food after all. In front of the shop, Momoi chases after Tatsuya and the two kids laugh. It's disgustingly heartwarming, almost enough to distract from all the sex shops.

"How's Tatsuya fitting in around here?" Aomine watches as the kid dashes around, completely caught up in their game of tag, "It is Yoshiwara after all."

"He's happy, he's finally back with his father." Kuroko replies, the easy recline of his body never betraying the fact Aomine knows he's got at least 30 kunai under his kimono. "You don't approve?"

"Of course I approve Tetsu, what kind of question is that." Aomine rolls his eyes, reaching for stick from the tray, "He's happy, you're happy, Kagami's happy."  
Kuroko makes a considering noise about that and Aomine doesn't respond to the bait, instead he takes another bite and looks out into the street. "Still don't know why the "Sun of Yoshiwara" is a dude though."

As if on cue, Kagami appears. He's still getting used to the wheelchair, and he's no longer dressed up in fine silks and face paint but its better in Aomine's opinion. Not that he's going to tell Kagami or Kuroko that. He's got a bad feeling Momoi may have guessed why he's so particular to Yoshiwara lately if the fact she dragged him here is anything to go by. 

"Don't eat too much of those things, I know we said free Aomine-san but you do still have dinner to eat." Kuroko comments, eyeing the plate of empty bamboo sticks with judgment that Aomine is graciously going to ignore. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go meet with the Hyakka." 

Aomine's never going to get used to ninjas, especially ones that can disappear so easily like Kuroko can. He's lucky he didn't bite through to the stick completely. Kagami's completely unaffected as he wheels over next to Aomine's bench. Aomine glances at him from the corner of his eye. Kagami's gotten a lot better at handling the wheelchair lately, but it's still a stark reminder of what the other had lost. Distantly Aomine wonders if Kagami ever mourns the loss of his legs, of what the King of the Night did to him. 

"Told Kuroko I still don't see why you're considered the 'prettiest' here." Aomine announces because he's capable of his own self-sabotage when he wants to be. Kagami just raises a brow at the comment though, and shrugs. "What's with all the 'sun' crap anyway?"

"I don't know either, no one ever really explained." Kagami remarks, confusion just as genuine as the first time. It's not really a fair question to ask him, since Aomine doubts Kagami did much talking with his clients in general. Then again, nothing about Aomine is fair.

In the fresh daylight of Yoshiwara's streets, Tatsuya and Momoi look over. Tatsuya waves at the sight of Kagami and Aomine. Kagami waves back, grin breaking out on to his face, completely absorbed in Tatsuya's affection. 

Aomine reaches behind for another dango, does the best he can to remain nonchalant. He's not sure he succeeds, and he can't really recall the taste of the dango in his mouth in the face of Kagami's smile. 

Honestly 'the sun' was just putting it lightly.

~

[ _Aomine takes the kids out to dinner, and tries to be pay it forward with an old friend. It goes about as well as you’d expect._ ]

Midorima is eyeing Aomine with more suspicion than the act actually calls for. He's sorely tempted to rescind his offer and let Midorima and his weird pet starve if this is how they react to his generosity. Next time Aomine makes it big at pachinko, he's going to just buy all of Mai-chan's photo albums like he wanted. 

"Are you coming with us to eat or not?" Aomine demands, ignoring Momoi's trilling behind him about starvation and child abuse, along with Sakurai's forced agreement. Never let it be said that Yorozuya Dai-chan was not the most patient, perfect, human being on the face of the planet compared to the people he called his friends and in his softer, drunker moments 'family'.

"You're not going to lure me to the restaurant and then conveniently forget your wallet, are you?" Midorima hasn't actually moved from his spot on the bridge and at this point, Aomine is going to just walk past and call it a day at this point.

"That was **ONE** time--"

"--It happened **LAST** week--"

"-- **TWO TIMES**. Listen are you coming Midorin or not?" Aomine asks, again, even as Midorima's weird frog friend raises a sign to butt in: [ _You should cash in while you can Shin-chan, who knows when this guy will have money._ ]

"Very well Daiki." Midorima cuts in before Aomine can actually call his pet out on being an asshole. "Also once again it's Midorima, not Midorin."

"Oh, Midorin's going too, look Sakurai." Comes Momoi's bright laughter, and Aomine smirks as Midorima's frown deepens. 

"Yeah yeah, come on Midorin. We don't got all day." Aomine's sure to get a brisk head start, Momoi and Sakurai quick to follow.

There were worse ways to spend an afternoon.


	2. Life Is A Series Of Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just honestly couldn't for the life of me drop the idea of Kagami as Kagura and Aomine as Okita. Teppei as Gintoki and Imayoshi as Hijikata just kinda happened. Also Himuro and Murasakibara as Kamui and Abuto because deadly space-married Yato assassins. I'm just sayin. This is shamelessly wish-fulfilling, basically I couldn't stop playing with the idea of a gintama au for knb. Yes I made Mibuchi Katsura here instead of Midorima, no I don't regret it. I'm still mad Akira Ishida didn't do Mibuchi's voice ok.
> 
> As before, there's just some light editing and looking over, any errors are mine and mine alone.

[ _In which Kiyoshi is actually done with the Shinsengumi and their weird, weird ways. Especially considering how focused one of them in particular is focused on his youngest charge. The Vice Captain makes it worse._ ]

"You're under arrest for breaking a police officer's heart." Taiga snorts and flips easily over Aomine’s head, umbrella raised. Aomine dodges the oncoming rain of bullets. He throws aside his megaphone as he lunges after him, there's the sound of a fist barely connecting with a face.

"Fuck off Aomine, we were here **FIRST**." Taiga yells and honestly, Kiyoshi has just resigned himself to letting the two fight out their aggression. Taiga barely manages to pin Aomine down, trapping his head between his thighs in a stance that leaves Kiyoshi concerned for several reasons. Aomine does the mature thing and tries to bite Taiga’s thigh. 

Kids these days.

“I was going to ask what happened to Daiki, but I really shouldn’t be surprised.” Something about Vice Commander Imayoshi always makes Kiyoshi weary, he just doesn’t give Imayoshi the satisfaction of reacting on it too much. Kiyoshi once again hopes that Reo will have enough sense to not just suddenly show up out of the blue like he always has a tendency to do these days. For a wanted terrorist, Mibuchi was amazingly dense in other aspects of his life. “Maybe I should just start paying you a babysitting fee.”

“That would be very nice of you, thank you for using Yorozuya Ki-chan.” Kiyoshi says, amicable as always as if there wasn’t a hidden dig in there. “Though, we do have a job we should be getting too soon…”

“You…You… **FUCKER.** ” They glance over to see Aomine rising up from the ground in a smooth notion, Taiga is backing away from him like he’s poisoned. He’s red faced and clutching at his body like Aomine has just done something very, very untoward to him. Kiyoshi immediately frowns. He can immediately guess from Aomine’s smirk and Taiga’s shock how successfully Aomine had been in biting Kagami after all. 

“You do know Taiga’s 16?” He says instead of outright threatening Aomine and Imayoshi like he desperately wants to. “He’s woefully under the age of consent, should I be concerned about Aomine’s interest?”

“Daiki’s 18.” Imayoshi replies, politician’s smile wide and accommodating. “He’s our little prodigy. He just doesn’t act his age often enough, don’t you think it’s sweet? He’s never been so infatuated with someone.”

“Yes well, he does have a funny way of showing it.” Kiyoshi insists, and he’s sure deep down Daiki Aomine, 1st Division Captain of the Shinsengumi is a very nice, very intelligent young man. 

That’s still not going to excuse him from acting like an ass towards Taiga in Kiyoshi’s eyes and since Alex had left Taiga in Kiyoshi’s charge, he’s not about to let him get away with whatever weird courtship he’s trying to lead so easily. 

“Taiga seems to be enjoying himself well enough, don’t you think?” Imayoshi calmly ignores how Taiga is lunging for Aomine now, anger filling up the core of his being and jerking his movements. Kiyoshi can see from the corner of his eye all the openings that Taiga’s leaving for Aomine to exploit.

“Yes well, his mother, _UMIBOZU_ , won’t exactly be impressed when she returns.” It’s not exactly subtle but Kiyoshi’s not going for subtle right now. Besides, he's not kidding, Alex's attachment to her son was about as extensive as one could expect from a momma's boy like Taiga. If anything Imayoshi’s smile gets _WIDER_ somehow. 

That’s…unexpected.

“That would be a shame, wouldn’t it? For Daiki to get taught a lesson by one of the strongest Yato in the universe. It certainly would knock him down a peg.” Imayoshi laughs pleasantly, like he wasn’t actually implying what Kiyoshi KNEW he was implying. “There’s no chance Taiga’s dear mother is visiting anytime soon, is there?”

“Are you seriously trying to manipulate Taiga’s overprotective mother into disciplining your subordinates…for you?” Kiyoshi would be more impressed if he could get past judging. Which he can’t.

“Your words.” Imayoshi agrees breezily, behind him Taiga lunges for Aomine again, this time he barely misses. Kiyoshi can feel a headache coming on.

Kids these days.

~

[ _In which Kagami has an unexpected family reunion and handles it badly. Himuro is pleasantly surprised and Murasakibara is hungry. Aomine is pathetically too human and sane to understand the inner-workings of the Yato._ ]

It's weird seeing Taiga freeze up like that, eyes so breathtakingly honest that Aomine's caught off guard. He doesn't even make a move to get up from where he got the air knocked out him by one of the strange newcomers. The warehouse full of illegal drugs that was supposed to be their main lead in the case is all but a burned out shell behind them. Which, great. Imayoshi's going to get him later for that for sure. 

"It's been a while Taiga." Something about the two guys in front of him makes Aomine reach for his sword. There's danger in the air all around them, but Taiga doesn't move, just stares forlornly at one of the men (Yato, with their big fancy parasols and foreign clothes) like there was nothing else.

"T-Tatsuya." Taiga looks sick at the acknowledgement, and something about it makes Aomine's teeth grit. 

"Oi, you two--this is a crime scene." He's got his hand on his sword handle but the other two just regard him easily. 'Tatsuya' just watches him and it's unnerving, on so many levels. The other Yato, huge, and with his purple hair haphazardly braided behind him, just continues to snack on the bag of chips in his hand. 

"Tat-chin." He yawns, glancing over Aomine and Taiga like they were shadows, worse, Aomine could tell, like they didn't even register as threats to him. "Let's go."

"You seriously think I'm going to let you two leave?" Aomine demands, moving to strike, because he's got a bad feeling about these two. Imayoshi was saying this crime had Harusame all over it. It's a good thing he'd followed Taiga after all (even if it was to harass him in the first place).

There's a pull on his side, Taiga's grip on his uniform jacket is probably enough to start ripping the material: "Don't...please."

"It's good to see you Taiga." Tatsuya continues, smiling beatifically, but it sends chills down Aomine's spine. The asshole doesn't even bother to acknowledge him, just continues to stare at Taiga like he's being placating. Taiga tugs on Aomine's uniform harder, if possible. "Come Atsushi, wouldn't want to keep our friends waiting."

Tatsuya turns on his heel and in a move that Aomine knows is a challenge, easily leads his friend away from them, back obscured by the damn purple parasol that all the Yato he runs into all seem to have.

Taiga finally releases him and takes a gasping breath as soon as they are gone. He's shaking and Aomine has other things to worry about than those two (they'll be back, he has a feeling) when Taiga's this close to a panic attack.

"Oi Taiga, what the hell's your problem." It comes out harsher than he expects, but he's kind of hoping the hostility will jolt Taiga into a response. Anything really to get that look off his face.

"...That was my older brother." Taiga says, and it’s complicated, ugly, and makes Aomine wish he’d gotten at least one good PUNCH at the other guy for making Taiga sound like that. Older brother be damned, Yato be damned. 

“ _Shit_.” It’s not what he wants to say, or even should say in this situation, but Taiga laughs along.

It sounds hysteric, and on the verge of tears: “Right?”


End file.
